Depression and grief aren’t easy as most of you know, especially when you have to come off the antidepressants to address other issues.
I’m settling into the rhythm of my adjusted life and am on an intentional journey to heal physically while integrating my career, education, spiritual journey and trauma experiences into a tangible healing journey for others along the way and in the future.
The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology has played a major role during my Masters work these past few years and for my final year of study, Daniel Tidwell-Davis has helped me realize I don’t have to give up because I find myself in a depressed state that often leaves me with passive suicidal thoughts (friends, don’t panic – passive is the key word here). Remember a few days ago I posted about all the lies depression will tell you? That’s what the passivity is – lies.
So this summer and into the final year of study this fall and next winter and spring, I’ll be leaning into a few questions that Daniel provided as a potential framework for me:
❓️”How do spiritual and philosophical concepts and questions work for someone like me in a depressive state?”
❓️”How do I and other people in lived realities like mine engage these questions?”
Many of us have been taught we can “pray it away,” “let go and let God,” “you just need a little more Jesus,” “get in the Word,” and a litany of accusations like, “you must have unconfessed sin,” “you’re not claiming your healing,” “you don’t have enough faith,” and the list goes on.
And while I believe all of those things are true within proper contexts, I believe it’s been used as a weapon and as a means for control over the 1000s of years since Christ walked this earth and frankly has turned into something diabolical that He absolutely hates.
If the gospel is meant for all who will call upon His name and believe, then the gospel must work for all people in all states of mind and action. It must provide life giving transformation for those who don’t experience the finger snap healing and/or the miraculous regrowth of neuro pathways in the brain.
AND it MUST produce a life that reflects an abundance of love and hospitality and generosity and service to humankind – even when they don’t reflect that back to us – this is one of my greatest struggles – being generous and kind and loving to people who use and abuse and aren’t kind. I must admit I’m a work in progress in that department because I’d much rather just move along – and often do.
I’m currently writing a paper on patriarchal dominance versus egalitarianism and I’m realizing the Trinity reflects egalitarianism at its best – a “discipleship of equals” as Elizabeth Johnson puts it. It’s in this triune dance of Father – Son – Spirit I begin to realize that even in my depressed states, they still minister in different ways to me, and as a Christ follower, I can and must reflect that back to all of humanity and when I fail, they are there to pick up the slack and provide me with love and forgiveness and rest and a do-over.
Not sure where all this is headed, but if you’ve read this far, I’m thankful you’re on the journey with me and interested to see where we end up. ❤️