Our experience of certain truths does NOT qualify us to say we have experienced FULL truth. If we are not standing in the middle of a situation that directly affects us and we only observe from afar, we don’t get to harshly judge another person’s actions, experiences or perspectives. In America, that is only allowed in a court of law with a judge and jury, so unless we have been summoned to jury duty, our call to deliver a verdict is negated. In fact, the only person we can fully control actions, reactions, and thoughts is ourselves.
My silence on upheaval and unrest on all manner of world topics is not a reflection of my lack of opinion or desire for all things good. Nor does it mean I’m a coward or don’t have a voice. Rather, it’s a reflection that I have chosen to enter into a contemplative, reflective space where I am not required to defend my position nor require you to defend yours. I have surrendered my need to be “right” and choose to seek harmony and promote peace always as well as enter into relationships with genuine curiosity to listen to and respect our differences – no matter how wide the chasm.
In the past, I was the girl who was in your face, challenging, arguing, 🗣 defending, judging (a hypocrite) and could never admit to my flaws and errors. That is a lonely, angry, and fearful place to exist. And if you hang out with me long enough, you’ll see traces of that girl appear from time to time where I will be required yet again to step back, apologize, and try again.
In addition to my grief journey, God has used His love 💘 combined with many patient, wise mentors and people radically different from me to profoundly heal some of the deepest levels of pain. I’m still a work in progress.
WHAT’S THE PROBLEM? 🤷♀️
My silence does not make me part of the problem. My refusal to argue and defend my position does not make me part of the problem. If you don’t see me surrounded by communities you think I should be in, that does not make me part of the problem. No one gets to decide for another person who they choose to associate with, do business with, worship with, or volunteer with. To assume I am a certain way because most of my inner circle is a specific religion or race or __ means you don’t have the FULL truth of my life.
What you don’t know is:
➡️ I have deep friendships with people from all backgrounds that are very different from mine
➡️ I was raped by your sonS and/or brotherS
➡️ I was a victim of domestic, alcohol, and drug abuse by the man you now call husband
➡️ I was mentally abused and gaslighted by the person you say helped you recover
➡️ I grew up in a neighborhood some say was the “wrong side of the tracks”
➡️ I watched my neighborhood friend give a concussion to my boyfriend’s brother because he made a wrong assumption
➡️ As an adult, a group of young girls called me “a cracker” because I was driving through my childhood neighborhood
➡️ I have experienced impossible situations with no good solutions and your response to those may have been very different from mine
We don’t get a say about another person’s experience or perspective. And we don’t get to presume to fully know another person. When are we just going to really listen to and hear 🦻 each other and let it be?