Depressed? Angry? Uncertain? Embracing change? Guess what? I slipped into a major depression this week.
One of my coach friends, Brenda Holley challenged me and a group of female entrepreneurs to describe how our plans for our unique Decade of Dreams has changed based on how WE’VE changed in the last two months, if at all. Some of us are moving full speed ahead while others are slowing down some.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I decided to share where I’m at with to let some of you know that I am struggling too. I relate. I hear you. I see you. I resonate with many of your stories and questions and fears.
My Decade of Dreams looked like me:
🌐 taking The Referrals Group international 🌎
🌐 living a bicoastal life
🌐 training the trainers
🌐 writing ✍
🌐 having ultimate health 🚶♂️
🌐 traveling all over the world
🌐 taking a photography class
🌐 hiking and biking and boating
Then the pandemic stopped me dead in my tracks 👣 I went from the master class to the Freshman class overnight and my therapist helped me see I’m angry about that. I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I feel defeated. My creativity and connectivity dried up and I have felt useless. I had a story of defeat swirling around, and there was fear of entering into digital spaces I am not the expert in. It’s overwhelming and dizzying and I sat frozen for a time.
The other thread that runs through this story is the grief I’m still processing. It is ever present, and I find myself “shoulding” all over myself. I should be moving past my grief quicker than I am. I should be more successful in my work than I am. I should be growing the business faster. I should be 40lbs lighter already. I should not need help. I should. I should. I should.
I decided to get honest, keep talking, and show up even in the midst of my depression. I stayed in therapy. I finished a 20 day challenge. I started a 60 day challenge. Those challenges and conversations taught me a few things about how my original Decade of Dreams list still stands except it needs some slight revision.
Going forward I will be:
✅ Creating MY brand. Everyone else’s brands I’m building will be moving into my toolbox rather than defining me. I am not just a representative of everyone else’s “thing.” I am a connector and a solutions girl, and I have various solutions depending on who needs what, and my paycheck needs to reflect that. No, I won’t stop building The Referrals Group or offering career coaching (because these are 2 very powerful tools I believe in), but there will be a different flow to my work going forward.
✅ Working with my networking gurus and colleagues to continue the discussions and implement positive changes to how we do networking in the future.
✅ Going back to school. No, not a physical university. I don’t need another degree. However, I need to learn how to take everything I know into the digital space for the next 3 or 4 decades. I have great teachers in place for this already and NOW is the time for me to pivot the message and value I bring to the world.
✅ Allowing people to help me. Whoa! This is HARD for me. I learned today that I am suspicious of people who offer to help me therefore I don’t reach out, I don’t accept help well. And I suffer in silence. 🙄
✅ Taking time to conduct research to get laser clear on the next steps for my brand and toolbox offering going forward.
✅ Showing myself much more compassion and grace to move myself FROM “should” TO just “being.”
✅ Showing up powerfully. I have some more work to do – probably at least 60-90 days. Meanwhile, I will still show up transparent, authentic, and honest while I’m reworking and enhancing how I serve the world.
So, there you have it. Thank you Brenda for pushing me to stretch myself and grow and learn. I also must thank these people as they are part of my entrepreneurial tribe who have gifted me their time to have the conversations I needed to have when I needed to have them. They are the people God is using to help me trust the helping hand I’ve been so cautious about. While the list certainly isn’t 100% complete, they are the ones who have sown so much knowledge and encouragement into my life these past few months and I am forever grateful.
Autumn Joi, Amber Bradford Fralix, Lisa Tanner, Joel Atkins, Marie Fratoni, Bart Giles, John Atherton, Clay Posey, Lori Mullee, Rachel Noble, Tracee Smith Randall, Mary Woodward Russell, Jason Russell, Kaelyn Gibson, Stuart Vaughn, Ashley Iduda, Shawn Summey, Coren Jack, Jennifer Bradshaw, Liz Langs, Marsha McGillivary Easter