Tomorrow is supposed to be a happy day to celebrate all the mothers out there who have loved and provided for their children faithfully. Mine was one of those, and I am so thankful that was my experience growing up and that it continues to be my experience as an adult.
But I would be remiss if I did not pause to consider that not all people in our world have a positive parental experience. There are those who have survived abuse and neglect. We must never take for granted that while many of us celebrate and smile and enjoy a meal and exchange gifts, there are those among us who cry silent tears, who daily pray for hatred to be removed, who daily pray for the capacity to forgive, who daily fight self-loathing and shame and addiction and guilt.
I have several very precious friends who fit into this category (you know who you are), and today I want to celebrate YOU. I want you to know you are NOT forgotten. I want you to know that you ARE worth love and respect and friendship and dignity. You are beautiful. You are loved. You are cherished. Your mom may not have been the parent she should have been, and I want you to know I do not diminish your loss or pain.
I know sometimes it’s even hard to wrap your head around the God who loves us when sometimes He appeared to be absent from your life (and may even still appear that way to you). Your feelings are valid and have worth and He has not forgotten you. If by chance you just can’t believe He hasn’t forgotten you, please know that I have not. There is at least one person on this planet who thinks of you and thinks the world is a better place because of you and who wouldn’t trade you for anything.
Then there’s the topic of birth moms (which I am). This subject could be a whole other blog post, but I will keep it short to acknowledge I understand the space you found yourself caught in. The space between loving a child so much you chose to allow another human being to adopt him/her so they could have a better life because the situation you were in at the time you gave birth was nearly impossible for anyone to understand – and the space where you just wanted to be selfish and cling to them no matter how hard their life might have been because of the limited amount of emotional intelligence, support, and resources you had at the time.
Even if you have had the privilege to meet and spend time with your adult child years later and possibly get to know their family and life situation, you probably still feel caught in that space of having your heart swell with so much pride and love, you think it might burst and the space where you still feel like a stranger and you’ll never fully connect because the privilege of raising your child was ripped from you all those years ago.
I celebrate you. I cheer you on. You are not selfish. You are not unworthy. You are strong and courageous and I hope at least one person will acknowledge that you too are worthy of this grand Mother’s Day celebration. And if you don’t have that person, allow it to be me.